Attachment and Couples Counseling

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Are you flying solo in your partnership ?

Try Couples Counseling

In a Partnership its easy to have a loss of focus on the relationship over time. One person will come home from work and greet their partner in a more or less, routine way. Somehow this has become a negative repeating pattern of INATTENTION.

“Hi Honey, how was your day/” While this might sound like a caring greeting when the relationship is new, after hearing this 365 days X many years of marriage, what does it really mean? In my Private Practice, focusing on Couples Counseling, this routine greeting is meant to be a welcoming hello, but many times it turns out to be less than engaging.

TIPS for Connecting with your partner:
1. Agree on a shared meaning for your interactions. In the example above, this automatic greeting could mean “Im tired, give me ten minutes to unwind. before we attempt a meaningful conversation.”
2. Vary your routine. Meet at a coffee shop for a relaxing cup of Lavendar Tea before going home to begin the evening.
3. Schedule a Date Night once a week. Dress for your partner with the same interest, as when you began dating.

If your not at the level of arranging these three suggestions, it may indicate that you could benefitt from a Counseling Session in my office.

I’m more than happy to help at 949-285-5199

I’m in Irvine at:

The University Tower – UCI Adjacent
4199 CampusDrive, Suite 550
Irvine, California 92612

Couples Counseling and Projection

“So many times Couples will say the most awful things about their partner.
Once they learn about projections, if they are open to it, the dynamic shifts from blame their partner – to insight about themselves”. Dr. Kerns

Couples and Projections

Are you your partners Anchor in the Storm of Life? Dr. Kerns Couples Counseling

Most of my couples come into counseling feeling a disconnection from their partner. This may manifest itself as arguing, porn addiction, communication issues, affairs, the silent treatment etc.. So, what’s going on? Why all this distance?

As a therapist, my challenge is to de-escalate negative cycles of interacting, while I help to facilitate building a secure attachment bond. A secure attachment helps to create safety in the relationship. It’s where couples really feel their partner is their anchor in the storm of life.:)

You may wonder what a negative cycle is, and why it occurs. Some negative cycles begin when a couple is transitioning from one phase of life to another. Such as adjusting to parenthood, or one partner getting a promotion at work. Many times a job loss brings new or old problems to the surface.

In any of these circumstances couples begin to blame each other for their problems. The stress of adjustment leads to insecurities. A new way of defining their life and the relationship serves to comfort and contain anxieties if a mutual understanding is developed.

Counseling can help a couple navigate this challenge of redefining their relationship and the adjustment to change. Without an agreement on the definition of their life together misunderstandings can develop.

Misunderstandings can cause conflict, leading to an increase in stress and anxiety. The change in each partners behavior, due to the misunderstanding, then leads to an increase in stress and anxiety, which manifests into further misunderstanding, leading to anger and frustration. The partners in the couple then begin to wonder why they married their partner.

This cycles continues and can be interrupted through counseling.

If you experience Conflict and/or Stress over:

decision making
misunderstanding with your partner
not feeling appreciated
cybersex addiction
infidelity
problems with alcohol
gambling losses
lack of restful sleep,
improper diet,
the demands of life
overwork,
lack of work,
issues with lack of direction in life,
anxiety over being overweight
anxiety over aging issues
constant arguing and misunderstanding in relationships
confusion over what decision to make – etc.

As stated earlier a secure attachment helps to create safety in the relationship. When each partner feels the emotional support of their mate, these life challenges are easier to work through.

To learn how you and your partner can be each others Anchor in the Storm of Life please call Dr. Kerns at 949-285-5199.

How do I connect with my partner? We’ve lost that loving feeling. 949-285-5199

Most of my couples come into counseling feeling a disconnection from their partner. This may manifest itself as arguing, porn addiction, communication issues, affairs, the silent treatment etc.. So, what’s going on? Why all this distance?

As a therapist, my challenge is to deescalate negative cycles of interacting, while I help to facilitate building a secure attachment. A secure attachment helps to create safety in the relationship.

You may wonder what a negative cycle is and why it occurs. Some negative cycles begin when a couple is transitioning from one phase of life to another. Such as adjusting to parenthood or one partner getting a promotion at work. Many times a job loss brings new problems to the surface.

In any of these circumstances couples begin to blame each other for their problems. The stress of adjustment leads to insecurities. A new way of defining their life and the relationship serves to comfort and contain anxieties if a mutual understanding is developed.

Counseling can help a couple navigate this challenge of redefining their relationship and the adjustment to change. Without an agreement on the definition of their life together misunderstandings can develop.

Misunderstandings can cause conflict, leading to an increase in stress and anxiety. The change in each partners behavior, due to the misunderstanding, then leads to an increase in stress and anxiety, which manifests into further misunderstanding, leading to anger and frustration. The partners in the couple then begin to wonder why they married their partner.

This cycles continues and can be interrupted through counseling. 

 If you experience Conflict and/or Stress over: 

  • decision making
  • misunderstanding with your partner
  • not feeling appreciated
  • cybersex addiction
  • infidelity
  • problems with alcohol
  • gambling losses
  • lack of restful sleep,
  • improper diet,
  • the demands of life
  • overwork,
  • lack of work,
  • issues with lack of direction in life,
  • anxiety over being overweight
  • anxiety over aging issues
  • constant arguing and misunderstanding in relationships
  • confusion over what decision to make

As stated earlier a secure attachment helps to create safety in the relationship. When each partner feels the emotional support of their mate these life challenges are easier to work through.

Please follow my blog. I will continue to explore how I work with my clients to build a secure bond.

If you would like to make an appointment with me please call 949-285-5199